How to Never Lose an Argument with Your Spouse Again!
My sister really confused me during one of our first video days as part of our Life Design Academy training.
She said,“Hey, Bart, the story I’m making up a story in my head is that I did something wrong. Are you mad at me?”
What are you talking about?
While we never fight, Steph was trying to make a point about how relationships can be tricky. Brother/ Sister. Parent/ Kids Romantic ones, too. We all have missed expectations and we make up movies in our head and assume our partner is watching the same movie.
Bit of Humor
Steph’s story continued…
Steph said, “The story I’m making up is that you’re mad at me. Because I asked you a question and you ignored me.”
Naturally, as one wise person would, I sat confused and had no idea what she was talking about. If you watch the video, it seems like we were both role-playing the whole time… but I was actually confused for a few seconds. Did I miss a text? Accidentally insult her? Cameras are rolling… I better figure it out fast.
Once I realized she was making a point, we both starting teasing each other and she explained this one KEY could help us all avoid conflict in ALL relationship.
She taught me ONE SENTENCE which might just avoid all conflicts. I’m going to put that sentence in my tool kit, for sure.
The sentence is “The story I am making up in my head is………”
You might want to share this video with your own sister, mom, dad, spouse, or significant other. The phrase “Unknown Truths” was new to me. Pretty interesting. One person’s fiction is another person’s truth.
This is just a clip of the upcoming full episode.
WHAT STORY ARE YOU TELLING YOURSELF?
New York Times best-selling author Brené Brown uses the question, “What story are you telling yourself?”
Here is what she said during an interview with Oprah Winfrey: “We are neuro-biologically hardwired to make sense of our heart as fast as we can. And if we can come up with a story that makes sense of it…our brain chemically rewards us for that story – whether it’s accurate or not.”
Next time you find yourself using any of those Big Three Excuses, fill in the blanks below based on your excuse:
“The story I’m telling myself about is ____________________________.”
Accepting that you might have a story hidden underneath the excuse gives you the freedom and awareness to explore the many building blocks of that belief.
And yes, in one version of reality, the story you told yourself was true. I am not saying you are lying about not having the money. I’ve been flat broke with just $14 in the bank. It sucked. It was real. I am not calling you a liar. I’ve been there. What I’m suggesting is for you to ask a better question. Then, break down the belief to find the hidden assumptions your brain made without your permission.
Most of our statements of fact are simply observations built on a set of beliefs and assumptions.
Hidden underneath that statement is a set of ideas and concepts that might be built on poor information or incorrect data. I am suggesting that anytime you hear yourself say any of these three excuses, you are missing some important data that might prove this statement false.
Here is a simple example.
“It takes less than 45 minutes to get from Los Angeles to Las Vegas.”
Is this statement true or false? (T/F)
What assumptions make this true?
What context would make this statement false?
Assumption: You can take an airplane to Las Vegas instead of driving.
Hidden assumption #1: There are flights available.
Hidden assumption #2: You can afford a ticket.
Hidden assumption #3: You are flying a commercial airline. If you were flying a single-engine plane, the trip would take more than an hour.
That is my point. You make a few key assumptions about the nature of the problem you are trying to solve. Those assumptions feed your decisions and your excuses without your awareness.
One of my very useful processes for problem-solving is what I call the OPTION C theory. That theory states that no matter how dire the situation seems, there is more than option A or option B to any problem. I dig into my brain for options C, D, E, F, and/or G.
And if we ask a question enough times and do enough research, we can begin to see the other options. Options give us choices. Succumbing to these excuses paralyzes any potential future action. In today’s world, the entire planet of information is at your fingertips. Between the search engines, YouTube, and AI software, you can come up with ten different solutions to almost any problem in minutes. However, that requires you first question your hidden assumptions and not accept the excuse at face value.
I am looking forward to you reading the entire chapter 26 about this concept when my book comes out later this year. Happy, Wealthy, Mind. You will be the first to know when the pre-sales are available in paperback, Kindle, and Audiobook format.
If you want a sneak peak, I have been uploading summaries and even full chapters for my members of the Life Design Academy. It’s my free community where you can master the principles of reprogramming your mind for more happiness and wealth. Login here and listen to the summary and listen to some of the class replays. I put most of my best stuff that I used to sell inside this community as a gift. No CC required. Just login and start learning.
https://www.skool.com/lifedesignacademyfree/about
Thanks for reading. The next issue is next Tuesday.
Warmly,
Bart Baggett
Author of Happy Wealthy Mind, The Magic Question, Success Secrets of the Rich & Happy and Founder of the Life Design Academy